WM 2014: Player Ratings from Germany's Final Victory

Manuel Neuer As the broadcast of the 2014 World Cup final kicked off, Manuel Neuer dropped something. It was paper cups. The cameras zoomed in, desperately searching for a hint of uncertainty on the face of the world's best goalkeeper. He bent down, picked up the cups, and smiled. After all, they were just paper cups. In years to come, when we sit on the couch with our beautiful children watching one of Neuer's successors lead the national team to glory, we will recount the paper cup story. As we do at every international match, our children will know how the tale ends, and we will embrace, singing in a joyful chorus through the living room of our beautiful villa: “AND THAT WAS THE ONLY THING HE DROPPED AT THIS WORLD CUP!!!”

Philipp Lahm Philipp Lahm, you are the Lothar Matthäus of the post-1980 generation. Perhaps the best German footballer of the past decade. You've won everything at club level and are a king in your team. Children on the playground wear jerseys with your name. Yet, we’ve often mocked you, doubting your capabilities because you look like a middle schooler with hobbies like “Latin and my magic box” in the yearbook. You had titles with Bayern but never with the national team, and we certainly wouldn’t have believed you could lead us to the title just four weeks ago. With your wonderful machine-cut hairstyle, your small stature, and your diplomatic interviews, you’ve run millions of kilometers, executed countless feints, and scored with finesse. Now you are a world champion, and we bow before you. At least until the season starts.

Jerome Boateng After the final, we would have loved to take a taxi to Wedding, tip the driver 100 euros, visit the legendary cage of the Berlin crew surrounding Jerome, Kevin-Prince, Änis, and others, and reminisce about the past. We would embrace every cage bar, lie on the rough asphalt, and think of Jerome Boateng’s performance in the 2014 World Cup final. We’d shake our heads in disbelief, smile gently, and slowly succumb to nostalgia.

Mats Hummels Mats Hummels can essentially retire from football now. First, because he has become a world champion, and it won't get any better than this. Second, he could easily become rich through various other ventures, whether it's leveraging his looks or advising on epic battle films. His program could include tips on winning duels and defeating opponents with ease. For a special anniversary show, Lionel Messi might even appear to witness Hummels steal the ball from him, just like on July 13, 2014, in Rio de Janeiro.

Benedikt Höwedes Admittedly, we contemplated starting wars and threatening endangered species due to Benedikt Höwedes playing left-back at the start of the tournament. What was Löw thinking? But the tactical genius knew exactly why he placed Höwedes there: he wanted to become a world champion. Perhaps he aimed to prove that one could wear the crown of football with a full-back who couldn't cross. Now, we want to embrace left-handedness in all aspects of life, from playing football to flirting, and even casting our votes for “The Left” in the next election.

Sami Khedira Did not play due to a calf injury. Perhaps he was such a tactical genius that he knew Germany would win the World Cup without him, injuring himself on purpose to pave the way for Christoph Kramer, who would later make room for André Schürrle to deliver the decisive assist to Götze. Sami Khedira, the best man.

Christoph Kramer There are moments in a man's life when he must show courage: at the doctor’s, during conscription, or when proposing to a partner. One such moment occurred during the 2014 World Cup final against Argentina. Just 15 minutes before kickoff, the coach informed Kramer that he would start in place of the injured Khedira. Despite being terrified, he resolved to show bravery on the pitch. Kramer played through a head injury, ultimately leaving the game after 31 minutes, but he can always say he showed more courage than the Easter Bunny.

Bastian Schweinsteiger We watched “Rocky I” and thought that getting knocked down and getting back up was only possible in Hollywood. But then we saw Bastian Schweinsteiger run 15 kilometers in the final, engage in countless duels, and endure relentless assaults from the Argentine players. He bled and was cramping yet continued to fight. If the entertainment industry wants to do something worthwhile, they should consider casting Schweinsteiger as a wrestler and recreate his epic 120 minutes in Rio. He deserves it.

Toni Kroos Until last night, people who fainted were revived with smelling salts. Now, the medical world might just use a scene from the final where Toni Kroos attempts to head the ball back to Neuer, even with Higuain blocking the way. The tension in Germany was palpable, and when Higuain missed, time stood still. Perhaps Kroos should become the face of future luck charms, replacing traditional good luck symbols.

Thomas Müller 11FREUNDE suggests: bottle this man and let us fly. Buy a football club and name it after him.